its amazing how one person can change your life so much in such a short period of time knowing them. One person can teach you more about yourself within 5 minutes than a million people could in one entire lifetime.
It's very rejuvenating to meet someone so, perfect to what I've always wanted in a significant other. I tend to chase after the wrong person, all girls are guilty of it. I suppose its just a part of our natural lives. I wish things were different between us, that we weren't seven hours away. He takes me back to my freshman year when I had a friend going through the same thing that I am and have been through. LJ Pitts, he totally changed my world and the way I view it. It's unbelievable how much he has taught me about life and others, but Derrick finished where LJ left off at, he taught me a lot more about myself that LJ hadn't gotten around to.
For some reason, I do still think about the past, and wish things could have been different. But, "there's no such thing as what could have been, that's a waste of time.. drive you outta your mind.."
and it's true, it is what it is. Life is only as complex as we make it out to be. You've gotta get to the point where you just have to accept things as what they are and what they will always be. It's nice to pretend and make believe, sometimes I still go back there to those times in my life when they made me feel most alive, where I needed them to help me out through the tough times. It's nice to go back and read old conversations, blogs, comments, messages, letters, and listen to old songs. Sometimes it still hurts to know what I have been through and what I try to avoid, but somehow I just know that everything is okay. Life isn't easy, feelings and emotions tend to get in the way a lot, it holds us back from what we want and doing it. Just like dancing, there is this center that I hold onto that throws me off, but once I loose that center, I can kick some ass.
I'm so self concious about myself that it reflects in everything I do. Nowadays I don't care as much about my appearance to others and what they think of me, but its when I am truly digging deep down inside of me, and showing a piece of me and my heart, is what I am scared of. I've had my heart thrown around and laughed at plenty of times, so thats what holds me back. But I am getting better at letting loose and moving on with my life.
I love you, and I always will. Today I wish I could say it was the last time, last goodbye to everything I once felt. But it made me feel so good that it's hard to let a feeling like that slip away. So maybe some feelings aren't meant to go away completely, but to leave a scar on you to remind you of where you have been, where you're going, and where you could go. And if things ever get too hectic, there is always that comfort zone to go back to.